omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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