I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
