I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
