guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
