I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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