I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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