just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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