i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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