there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
