smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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