i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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