I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize