apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
