I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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