I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
