I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
