You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize