my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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