i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
