Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
