It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
