sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
