I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
