oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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