My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
