You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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