I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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