Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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