Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize