The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
