oh god the rape fog is back!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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