In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
