The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
