Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You can't special order awesome
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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