remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
