so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I am naked and annoyed.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
