SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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