Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
