i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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