I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
