i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
