i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
