Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're so nebulous sometimes
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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