she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Randomize
