no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
