Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
