no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
