CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Of course I have a pirate flag
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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