My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize