I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
