insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
