Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
