I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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