she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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