so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize