My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
