Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize