The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
