I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
