Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
