it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
