My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
