i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
