she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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