Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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