I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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