pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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