Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
