Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
