a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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