I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
